Special thanks to fourdollarwords and astrorium for their awesome beta-work on this and a loving thank you to my darling girlfriend for also beta-ing with me and sitting through my shitty headcanon weeping, even though she hates Red Vs. Blue.
Wash has the kind of face that’s easy to look at.
Anonymous said: You should draw a puma wearing puma shoes.
I fucking lost it here
Anonymous said: sorry to be that one, but...tuckington?
You were not the only one, I promise, and also BAM. (More under the cut)
Look, they find weird shit, okay? Time travel. Getting pregnant with Alien Jesus. Ragemonster AI. Computer programs in people’s heads. Purple flying machines. He’s over it. Nothing is ever gonna strike Tucker as strange, ever again.
So the Portal isn’t a strange thing. Looking into it and seeing himself standing on the other side, that isn’t weird either. Except, it’s not him. This Tucker, he’s got black accents on his aqua armor. His hair’s shorter, cropped close to his head (a military haircut, even if he doesn’t want to admit it). He looks pissed off, angrily staring out a viewport of a ship or something.
He looks…hard. Angry. Professional. Like a douchebag.
"Is that you?" Wash asks from his side. "I almost didn’t recognize you. You look…different."
adds “we just caught our alternate universe selves making out and now everything is super awkward” to list of shipping tropes that need to be implemented everywhere
Family: *says something racist*
Family: *says something sexist*
Family: *says something homophobic*
Family: *makes fun of people with tattoos*
Family: *tells you why you’re bad at life*
Family: why don’t you wanna spend time with us?